great so now i have to defend the pope

on ai jesus memes, i guess

I just got back from Paris (more on that in a few days) and the thing about being in a historically and culturally Catholic country is that (1) stores will be closed on Sundays and (2) I will inevitably think about the Pope. This is not something I’m proud of, but what can you do? God forbid a girl briefly give repressed religion a starring role in her life. Do I not frequently say we should bring shame back? What did you guys think that was about?

This Sunday, as I accidentally walked 13.4 miles, shot photos of approximately 137 building façades, consumed three to five cups of mediocre coffee¹, and ate my body weight in french fries, my mind kept wandering back to the Holy See, famous for its art collection, its starring role in Conclave (2024), and for being the funniest country (“country”) an overzealous student could be assigned to represent at a Model UN conference.

Just a comically beautiful city, despite its bad coffee.

When last year the newly elected Pope turned out to be not just American, but midwestern, I had to physically restrain myself from literally whooping. For a few days, I’d be out with friends and have to hold back from breaking into a little did you guys hear about the Pope? A Chicago man! He’s probably also seen While You Were Sleeping (1995) and had impure thoughts about Peter Gallagher and/or Bill Pullman! Like, I’m used to a momentary shock of patriotism during the Olympics, but I never expected it to come roaring back over the election of an American Pope. A humbling moment.

Like, in no world do I want to share a source of happiness with one J.D. Vance, vice president and adult convert to Catholicism with credible ties to grim reaperdom.

Lucky (?) for all of us, the president and his lackeys are currently engaging in a unilateral tiff with the Vatican for preaching the egregiously offensive, unnatural, and of course overly liberal values of … caring for thy neighbor. Practically heresy, that. Trump is upset, you see, that the Pope is following the teachings of one Jesus Christ and suggesting that immigrants should be treated like human beings. That entire civilizations shouldn’t be threatened with extinction by the sitting president of the United States.

Humanity??? Perish the thought, said Trump’s Jesus, showing us that actually, maybe we can create new and inventive stories from old IP. It’s time for a new New Testament, folks!